A wise friend gave me an honest reflection the other night. “You are liked because you strive to be perfect…” It was a simple remark said to me that sent me knee-deep in contemplation. With perfection comes a dilemma— how can you strive to be “perfect” and authentic at the same time? Perfection is the very concept that I aim to destroy in our world of competition, comparison and vanity.
Thus, a real self-reflection commenced. I spent the entire next day reflecting on how I have spent my entire life striving to be perfect. I started with my morning drive to work…
“Candice, why the hell do you strive to be perfect?”
In all honesty, my friend was right. I strive for perfection in everything that I do. I recently planned an event for Project: Passion and gave myself a jaw ache with all the stress and anxiety I had during the last two weeks leading up to the event (apparently, I clench my teeth when I’m under a ton of stress, my dentist confirmed).
So, the question remains—WHY do I strive to be perfect? And how does that impact how I am as a mother?
If I trace my history back to childhood, I remember loving the spotlight. Whether it be on stage during a singing performance or a speech that I was elected to give in front of an audience. I thrived off all eyes being on me….why? Because I was good at it.
My ah-ha moment the other night was realizing that feedback has a lot to do with perfection.
Those who know me well know that I love asking for feedback. My ah-ha moment the other night was realizing that feedback has a lot to do with perfection. You see, when I feel confident that I’ve nailed a presentation or speech—I will intentionally ask for feedback because I’ll get validation of what I did well and what I didn’t—I use for the NEXT time I present, hence—striving for perfection.
So, let this be my formal proclamation—I am a perfectionist. And I still care about what other people think of me.
The next question—How will this affect my parenting?
If how act and treat others is a projection of how I view myself, then where will perfection shape how my daughter views herself? Will perfection become my kryptonite?
Perhaps, the awareness of my perfection tendencies is all that is needed to break the magic of the kryptonite. Imagine being able to look back on this moment when my daughter is older and making mistakes where I can pause and realize that mistakes are what make us human. What if this realization of perfection is exactly what was needed for me to stop it in it’s tracks?
I won’t know until the moment comes. Until then, I’ll keep calling myself out. And celebrating all of my flaws and missteps. I’ll embrace the not-so-perfect moments and revel in all it’s glory. To prove it, this post contains several “non-perfect” pictures taken recently. Embracing authenticity as I destroy the notion of perfection. Maybe my daughter will catch on…
How do YOU handle the idea of perfection? Do YOU see it coming up in your daily life? How can we all learn to be more authentic and less perfect? Share some thoughts in the comments!
If you found value in this post, please share with a friend, family member or peer.
My most favorite sound is the one that comes from right outside my bedroom window in the early morning. Sunlight peeking through the curtains in my room, and the sound of birds (even a distant lawn mower) can be heard in the background. It is the sound of the weekend. The sound of freedom. The sound of family time. And the sound of a day where I can purely focus on my passion.
Project: Passion came from an idea that I had as a result of creating A Musing Momma. My passion is more than my writing, rather it is the way words and stories can transcend connection and community. Truth be told, I began Project: Passion as a way for me to network and learn more about the topic of passion—but I also understand the power of a good story.
To begin, I’ll start this conversation and use it as a prelude to the stories that will follow.
Everyone has a PASSION that fires them up. My goal is to encourage YOU to find what your passion is.
There’s this warm feeling that comes from the pit of my stomach. I call it a tick. My heart races and my mind wanders to find all of the possibilities of the future.
It’s simple–passion is a feeling. It’s that tick that when started, I can’t stop thinking about.
I lay wide awake in the middle of the night with ideas and possibilities that seem endless. This tick fuels my intention on a daily basis, and keeps me focused on moving forward. It’s this feeling that keeps me going when I’ve hit roadblocks and doubt enters my mind. It’s what keeps me grounded, keeps me whole. When I began this journey of defining passion, I reflected on words that could be used to put together a pretty definition to read through. But, even the most articulately worded definition wouldn’t do the topic justice. Because passion is much more than words.
It’s a FEELING. It’s that tick that you can’t ignore.
What is my passion?
To pinpoint what my passion is, I reflected on what gives me the ticking feeling. When do I feel most energetic? What do I get FIRED UP about? I started by considering the last time I felt that ticking feeling. That was when I launched the blog A Musing Momma.
You see, ever since I’ve launched A Musing Momma, I’ve been consumed with the ideas that have come to me. What drives me is the feeling that I can add value to others like me. I have a unique talent that I am dying to share with a world who finds value in what I have to give. A Musing Momma fuels my passion…
In every position I’ve held within my career, I have been most passionate when I could inspire and positively influence.
When I could take a brand-new employee and help them realize their full potential. I light up to the opportunity to teach and inspire.
All throughout my childhood, I was asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” From my earliest memories, I remember the answer to that question being one thing: a teacher. Funny how fate has served up exactly what I asked for. Because, although I’m not a teacher in the traditional sense—I teach in the corporate sense and in a lot of ways, teach through A Musing Momma too.
My passion is to teach, motivate, inspire and empower those around me to be the BEST they can be.
What gets in the way…
It is hard for me to acknowledge that not everyone wants to be taught, motivated or inspired by me. There are people out there who are negative, and there are naysayers out there. One thing that keeps me grounded is to realize that everyone values different things in life, and not everyone will embrace the same path that I am paving.
I remember being a branch manager and sitting in my office after closing the branch and just crying. Tears streaming my face after a day with a team who didn’t seem to appreciate me or what I had to give. A bad coaching session, an upset team member, or a disgruntled banker who I failed to inspire. My downfall is that I take my passion SO SERIOUSLY that I take it personally when someone doesn’t absorb my coaching or guidance.
What gets in the way is my fear of rejection and self-doubt. What I have to remind myself every time self-doubt creeps in to my head is that not everyone will understand my passion. We are all unique in our own ways, and I am on the pathway of embracing differences as I face different challenges.
How do I embrace my passions everyday day?
Looking back, I have used my passions with every position that I’ve had in my current place of business. When I think about HOW I found that secret sauce for passion, I realize that it was by identifying my key strengths.
I’ve recently begun following Marie Forleo and studying what she does. I aspire to be just as successful as she is. I recently watched a video in which she was talking about finding your talents. She says that everyone is born with a set of unique skills that the world can benefit from. I believe that your PASSION is embedded in those talents. (You can watch more of the video I’m referencing HERE).
When I found my key strengths early in my career, I would gravitate towards positions that helped me hone in on my strengths—which in the long run, helped me fuel my PASSION.
A good story is cool and all, but what are some nuggets of knowledge that I can leave behind for you? Here are a few tips on what you can do to find your passion today and begin embracing it on a daily basis.
Identify your strengths. Spend some time reflecting on what your talents and strengths are. Remember, everyone comes with a unique set of talents. StrengthsFinder is a great place to start if you haven’t a clue what your talents are.
Reflect on what makes you TICK. Remember that “ticking” feeling I mentioned I get when I am working on my passion? Think about what fuels your excitement on a daily basis. Try to narrow it down to a few tasks, activities or roles that give you that ticking feeling.
Find your support system. Working on your passion CAN get lonely sometimes. Start surrounding yourself around like-minded people who will encourage you and be your support system helping you through challenges you might encounter. Consider joining A Musing Momma community for that support! ? Join the community by subscribing to the email list HERE.
In the coming months, I will be sharing a compilation of stories from other working mommas like me who have found their passion and work every day to embrace that passion. I am excited to share these stories with you and I hope you will comment, share, and connect within the stories that speak to you.
We aren’t alone in this journey. I look forward to continue adding value and support to you all!
Subscribe to the email list to get FIRST LOOKS on these stories AND exclusive details about the live series launch on June 2 in Phoenix, Arizona! Click HERE to subscribe
Did you find value in this post? Please tell a friend or family member and share this post in your social media pages.
We got E a pink Power Wheels Jeep for her fourth birthday. She was so excited to jump in the driver’s seat and have all of the control as a driver. Zooming all around ours and our neighbor’s front yard, E was having the time of her life. We took her on an evening ride around the neighborhood, and as she drove on the sidewalk—I found myself saying “be careful!…not too fast….watch where you’re going…” the entire time.
You may not think it’s much of a big deal, but what I realized on this evening drive is that I may be subconsciously training my daughter to be fearful of the bad things that could happen in the world.
Because when I’m constantly saying, “be careful,” what E might be hearing is “be fearful.”
We have a very important job as mothers. To protect our children from harm and prepare them for a world where they can be self-sufficient. We also teach them to be productive members of society, with a strong moral compass. But, what if my fears for the worst end up doing more harm than good?
We live in a time where the news is saturated with tragic events. It breaks my heart to acknowledge that I brought my daughter into a world where safe places are never guaranteed. There is stranger danger, social media dangers, and mass murders happening often and I constantly live in fear of the unthinkable.
But, then I think about my daughter… So untainted to all of the ugliness. Pure and innocent…and oh so very fearless. Why should MY fears hold HER back from exploring a world of endless possibilities?
So, while “be careful” might seem like a harmless cautionary request—when I consider the potential it might have to E’s curiosity and tenacity—I feel a pang of guilt because I want to put her in a bubble and keep her safe her whole life.
You hear about a deep love that you’ll find when you have your first child. You hear stories of this instant, deep and pure love that you can’t ever imagine until the first few moments you are joined with your firstborn.
What you don’t hear about is the constant FEAR you will have as a mother. Fear for the uncontrollable world that we live in. Fear of the unthinkable and unimaginable. Fear of things, events and situations that you won’t be able to protect your child from. Fear of things that I am to scared to type out in words.
I want to let go of that fear. I believe that despite all of the heartbreak and tragedy, the world is really filled with happiness, hope and love if you know where to look for it…
That’s what I’ll teach E to do–look for the love in a world of hate. Look for the light in a world full of darkness. And search for positivity when the majority wants to focus on the negative. It’s a delicate balance of guidance and teaching E about the dangers the world could have, but also encourage her to be fearless in her dreams and passions.
As for me, I’ll have to follow my own teachings and embrace the uncertainty that life presents us with. It puts a whole new perspective on “living each moment to the fullest”.
What are some of YOUR fears as a momma? How do YOU overcome your own fear to let your child truly be fearless? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Candice has finished her interview project and will begin releasing them on the blog throughout the summer. Come join us as we celebrate the official launch of the first interview AND and meet other local mommas who are on a mission to finding their passion and purpose.
A light brunch with adult drinks will be served, followed by Candice’s presentation of Project: Passion at 11:00am. We will get acquainted with Empower Wellness Studio, a studio for women-by women and mingle until 1pm.
First 12 people will receive a chance to win giveaway(s). Come early!
This event will be family-friendly, so feel free to bring your kiddos and hubby!
June 9th 10am-1pm at Empower Wellness Studio in Phoenix, AZ.
I was sitting cross-legged on the floor in a dark-room with four women who I had never met before. Barefoot with my eyes closed and mind focused on breathing… I was meditating…I was in my zone.
“Take three deep breaths…. When you are breathing out, you are releasing all of the tension and negative energy that came with you today…”
Two years ago, I would have never been comfortable with this situation. Heck, even 5 months ago—I wouldn’t have pictured myself here— in the company of women who have mediated for years. I literally knew NO ONE, and here I was—being vulnerable and open to aligning with my inner peace.
Since the start of January, I’ve set out to put myself in more situations like this one. Completely open to the possibility of getting to know my real self. I’ve met people, experienced opportunities, and explored ways to take my dream and PASSION to the next level.
I couldn’t have imagined how FREEING this journey would become. Because, in the back of my mind—I’ve always wanted to practice meditation, but I never actually pursued it until the right person came along (That’s YOU, Sarah) to empower me to give it a try. Never in a million years would I have imagined putting myself into situations where I walk into an event, with not one familiar face and handle myself well. Am I uncomfortable at times? YES. But does that stop me?– hell no.
Then it happened…
There was this moment during the session last night where I realized I was in the right place at the right time.
I was asked to visualize a person—living or dead. The person I visualized was my daughter. Focusing on my daughter, I was then told to imagine a rose that is absorbing all of the energy that I reflect onto her. Expectations, wishes, regrets and other things that I subconsciously reflect onto her. It was in that moment that I found myself fighting back tears. Struggling to keep myself composed in an effort to mask my real emotions from these strangers who surrounded me in that dark room.
In that moment, friends—it clicked. My expectations, my wishes, my regrets that I have belong to me and me only.
Although I wish the BEST for my daughter and want nothing more than her experiencing true happiness—the fact of the matter is that she will experience her own reality. She is taking up space in her own world, and it is my job to help her embrace the true person she is and will become.
And all of this was possible thanks to fate and intention. I unknowingly manifested last night’s experience. Just as I have been manifesting all of the experiences I’ve had over the last 5 months.
My journey began on January 1, 2018 with the sole purpose of creating opportunities for myself (personally and professionally)–allowing an organic community to form where women are seeking support, connection, growth and development. A Musing Momma has become the catapult for much of my soul searching and community growth.
For those of you who have been following along, THANK YOU. If you are new to this journey, welcome. My mission is to inspire you to embrace YOUR worth, CHASE your passion and find your community. THIS is your community. Let’s support and uplift one another, and I will happily be your guide during the journey.
For more information on this AMAZING meditation session and other classes available, check out Empower Wellness Studio AZ, follow the incredible Sarah O’Conner for all things Empower Wellness. The meditation was led by Adriana. Give her a follow too!
Do YOU meditate? How do you carve out some time for YOURSELF despite your busy schedule balancing work and home life? Share in the comments below!
Have YOU joined the tribe?! Sign up HERE for exclusive updates, giveaways and event invites!
Mark your calendar- Project: Passion Launch Party on June 9th hosted by Candice with A Musing Momma. Sign up HERE for event details.
LASTLY, if this post inspired YOU—please share this with ONE friend today!
Somewhere in the world, there is a woman who is conflicted in the friendships she keeps. She enjoys the friendships she maintains, but still isn’t fulfilled. She wants more than the typical “what are your plans for the weekend” chat and is longing for something deeper. She wants more than the surface-level acquaintance-type-of-friendship. She wants her tribe…
Your tribe. Your people. The ones who are in your corner to cheer you on, support you and uplift you. A tribe can be defined as “a group of persons having a common character, occupation, or interest” * In other words, your tribe is your community and your support system.
As human beings, we are meant to connect. We are emotional beings who thrive off of connection and support. It makes sense to want this close-knit community of support.
I’m a strong believer of surrounding yourself around like-minded people in order to build your tribe. After all, sharing common interests is one way that connections are made.
Attracting your tribe is a vital piece to success and happiness. Behind every successful person is a strong and selective group of people who are their biggest supporters and loudest cheerleaders. When you’ve got a strong support system in place, you get the encouragement and motivation you need to reach for your biggest dreams.
Your tribe fuels your energies and passions. Remember, they are your loudest cheerleaders. So, when you’ve hit a wall of discouragement or demotivation, these cheerleaders will help you get back off the ground and stand taller than you were before.
Surrounding yourself around a group of driven and inspired individuals also ensures that you are playing the game with your best, most intense effort. You are challenged, and inspired, and motivated to achieve greatness because you all are focused on being your best.
I was listening to a favorite podcast of mine (The Influencer Podcast), and the guest on the show talked about the concept of scarcity versus abundance. To summarize the concept, scarcity is the thought that success is limited, and only the select few will be able to achieve success. However, abundance is the belief that there is unlimited amount of success in the world and anyone who is hungry enough for success can and will achieve it. I believe in the latter.
There is enough room in this world for all of us to be successful, and my tribe knows and understands this very well.
I reconnected the other night with an old high school friend. We spent two hours in a deep conversation about our journey, motherhood and our dreams for our career. My soul needed that kind of connection. To have another momma share her story and journey through motherhood and the realization that I wasn’t alone in this… I now consider her a part of my tribe.
Mommas, find your tribe. Find those cheerleaders and supporters. Find those people who will be in your corner throughout every stage of your journey—whatever journey you are on. Be selective in your tribe, and when you’ve found your perfect tribe, as the saying goes—”love them hard”.
Think of a goal you have or an achievement you are pursuing…Who do you tell first? Who tries to give you excuses for why you CAN’T? Who shares your excitement? Who shows up? Who doesn’t? Who is truly happy for you? Answer these questions to narrow down on your support-system, your tribe. Who is YOUR tribe made up of? Share in the comments below!
If you liked this post, please share with a friend or fellow momma.
Also, join ME on IG Live every Saturday morning at 10:00 am PT/AZ for a virtual coffee date where we can chat more about this and other topics. Hope to see you there! You can access my IG feed HERE.