Mommas–hurry up and SLOW DOWN

 

We were getting out of the car the other day; Eilynn had just told me about a gold star she received at school as a result of being the “Class Leader of the Day.” I was deep in thought—and wanted to let her know how proud I was of her.

I opened the car door, and simply said- “Hey Eilynn…remember…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence, because she cut me off quickly and said, “I know, I know mom…hurry up.” My heart dropped.

“Hurry up? That’s what she thought I wanted to say to her?” In that moment, I was genuinely ashamed.

Mommas, how many times, does that simple phrase “hurry up” become the main request when speaking to our children?

“Hurry up and put on your shoes”

“Hurry up so we can get on the road”

“Hurry up, we’re going to be late for school”

“Hurry up and finish your dinner”

It was then, that I suddenly realized my daughter’s perception of me was that of a momma who is always in a rush.

Seriously—what’s the rush, mommas? Why are we in such a hurry to speed through life?

And, let’s be honest here—it’s typical. I recently aired a podcast addressing this ever-so-busy lifestyle that we have all adopted. We are in a constant state of GO-GO-GO from the moment we wake up to begin our days. We all lead prosperous lives filled with endless work, meetings, after school activities, parent-teacher conferences—the list goes on and on. It’s no wonder why most mommas complain about not having enough time in the day.

But, what message is this teaching my daughter–when she thinks that she must always hurry up?

What happens when she hurries up through her homework and doesn’t even grasp the lesson it’s supposed to teach her? What happens when she hurries through a tough decision that she needs to make and instead acts on impulse or emotion? What happens when she grows into another adult who never stops to give herself time?

I don’t know about you—but I’m tired of living a life where I’m constantly bombarded with schedules, time constraints and burnout. SLOWING down and taking time might be good for the soul.

On the podcast episode I mentioned above, I brought up my “1 hour early” strategy for slowing down and being more present on a daily basis. That’s what I’m hoping to achieve in life… more time to myself to be intentional and present…and not always hurrying up.

I want to teach my daughter that there is so much of life missed by always hurrying through it.

Mommas, let’s hurry up and slow down.

CHECK OUT THAT PODCAST EPISODE HERE. 


Mommas, what are you constantly in a rush for? Share some comments below! If you enjoyed this blog post, please share with a friend. Also– check out the podcast episode by clicking on the link above!

Give yourself permission to be GREAT

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I believe it was a quote made famous by former First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt in the 1940s. Over 75 years old, and the quote is still just as relevant as it ever was.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Your permission. In other words, you have the power to make yourself feel the exact way you desire.

I was at a friend’s party a few weeks ago and realized this exact concept. Of course, the realization came after I had a few days to reflect on what I was feeling.

There was a female at the party who I got the sense didn’t like me. When I approached her, she quickly said hi but then turned her back on me. Whenever I would speak, I caught her almost rolling her eyes at the things I would say. She kept physical distance from me the entire time, and it wasn’t long before I felt unwanted in her presence.

Naturally, I started to judge. “Who does this girl think she is?” I thought to myself. “She really is a bitch.”

A few days later, I realized that I had unknowingly given this woman the permission to make me feel inferior.

Her behavior towards me was intimidating, and I became defensive because of my own feelings about myself.

When I am honest with myself, I can recognize my insecurities during that party. The woman who was rude to me—was someone well-known to the rest of the people at the party. Perhaps I was insecure about the fact that this was the first time I was around this new group of friends. I was self-conscious about myself to the point that I took her dismissal of me as valid.

How many times are we quick to feel dismissed, judged or even wronged by the way other people treat us?

This is not to say that people who behave this way aren’t at fault. The truth is that there are people out there who intentionally seek to hurt and abuse others.

However, the point is that WE have the ability to overcome those feelings of being insecure and inferior.

When we are honest with ourselves, we come to recognize that inferiority and incompetence are emotions granted by us, with OUR permission.

Becoming conscious has enabled me to take personal experiences like this one and reflect on the power that I have within me. Feelings of not measuring up, incompetence and failure are all mental constructs that we create in our own minds.

Imagine if we were all able to rise above the mental limitations we place on our self-worth, and truly step into our greatness?

The possibilities are endless, friends. WE HAVE THE POWER TO SAY NO to insecurity and incompetence. Because we all are worthy, valuable and incredible in our own unique ways—if we give ourselves the permission to believe it.


How have YOU inadvertently given someone the permission to make you feel incompetent or inferior? Share some thoughts in the comments below!

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Becoming WHOLE means uncovering some hidden truths

One day in the near future, I will stand in my truth and proclaim that “I am worthy. I am enough.” The road to that day will be paved with challenges, triumphs, self-realizations and truths that I have to be willing to acknowledge and embrace. It’s going to take courage and belief in myself that I am doing what is best for me. I have to trust myself and trust the process, because Lord knows there will be challenges.

How can I expect to give my daughter the best of me if I myself am not whole? It’s a question that I was afraid to ask myself for the first 4 years of my daughter’s life.

Somewhere deep inside of my soul, was a longing to resolve anything that might stand in the way of giving my daughter 100% all of me.

The thing is, I had no idea what those unresolved matters were…but they were there. Like a shell’s hard layer, the unresolved issues were just one layer below.

They were there every time I refused to look myself in the mirror and love the woman I had become. Curves on my body that weren’t always there, wrinkles that would appear out of nowhere and a smile that I had a hard time accepting. It was there when I had second guesses about my own happiness and worth in my marriage with her father. It was there when I would cry myself to sleep in the middle of the night because I felt alone and dark. And it was also there when I would feel panic about my daughter finding out the ugly truth of my past…Those unresolved issues where there all along, but I was unwilling to accept them.

Instead, I spent the first 4 years of my daughter’s life ignoring the unresolved issues in my life. Blissfully unaware of the pain and ugliness that lived inside my soul.

Until the moment I realized that I was broken.

It was the night I crawled into bed with my daughter after an argument with my husband. I was upset. For so long, I thought the unhappiness came from my husband’s inability to show me appreciation. But, laying in the bed with my daughter and crying to her—I realized that it wasn’t my husband’s inability—rather MY own inability to love myself. Because, here I was crying on my four-year-old daughter’s shoulder—seeing the look of concern and worry in her little eyes while she was trying to console ME. I was broken. My daughter could see it…and that night—I could see it.

That was the night that I began the ascent into my awakening. My journey to finding out what was bothering ME. And why was I so upset and angry. I took pen to paper and began writing….

I started with my story. From the very beginning… and unleashed years of regret, anger, hurt, and pain that I had been ignoring since my early childhood.

It was empowering to recognize the feeling and emotions that I had not named before. I dove into hours of books, podcasts and genuine conversations to help me begin to become whole again. To fix those broken parts of me that were angry and upset all the time…

Since that night, I keep talking about my discovery of truths and emotional healing. When I was able to face my past and have the courage to question why I was hurt—a rush of relief washed over me.

I’m willing to bet we all have things that we need to heal from. Past hurts, heartbreaks and experiences that we try to hide from the outside world.

However, the moment you step into your truth and face your deepest soul aches is ultimately what will set you free and enable you to heal…thus, becoming whole.

Until then, I will keep writing…and soul searching…and learning from my past mistakes. And looking forward to the day where I can say and believe with all my heart that “I am enough.”


What does becoming WHOLE mean to YOU? Share some thoughts in the comments below. If you enjoyed this post, please share with a friend to help spread this message. 

A formal proclamation of perfection

A wise friend gave me an honest reflection the other night. “You are liked because you strive to be perfect…” It was a simple remark said to me that sent me knee-deep in contemplation. With perfection comes a dilemma— how can you strive to be “perfect” and authentic at the same time? Perfection is the very concept that I aim to destroy in our world of competition, comparison and vanity.

Thus, a real self-reflection commenced. I spent the entire next day reflecting on how I have spent my entire life striving to be perfect. I started with my morning drive to work…

“Candice, why the hell do you strive to be perfect?”

In all honesty, my friend was right. I strive for perfection in everything that I do. I recently planned an event for Project: Passion and gave myself a jaw ache with all the stress and anxiety I had during the last two weeks leading up to the event (apparently, I clench my teeth when I’m under a ton of stress, my dentist confirmed).

So, the question remains—WHY do I strive to be perfect? And how does that impact how I am as a mother?

If I trace my history back to childhood, I remember loving the spotlight. Whether it be on stage during a singing performance or a speech that I was elected to give in front of an audience. I thrived off all eyes being on me….why? Because I was good at it.

My ah-ha moment the other night was realizing that feedback has a lot to do with perfection.

Those who know me well know that I love asking for feedback. My ah-ha moment the other night was realizing that feedback has a lot to do with perfection. You see, when I feel confident that I’ve nailed a presentation or speech—I will intentionally ask for feedback because I’ll get validation of what I did well and what I didn’t—I use for the NEXT time I present, hence—striving for perfection.

So, let this be my formal proclamation—I am a perfectionist. And I still care about what other people think of me.

The next question—How will this affect my parenting?

If how act and treat others is a projection of how I view myself, then where will perfection shape how my daughter views herself? Will perfection become my kryptonite?

Perhaps, the awareness of my perfection tendencies is all that is needed to break the magic of the kryptonite. Imagine being able to look back on this moment when my daughter is older and making mistakes where I can pause and realize that mistakes are what make us human. What if this realization of perfection is exactly what was needed for me to stop it in it’s tracks?

I won’t know until the moment comes. Until then, I’ll keep calling myself out. And celebrating all of my flaws and missteps. I’ll embrace the not-so-perfect moments and revel in all it’s glory. To prove it, this post contains several “non-perfect” pictures taken recently. Embracing authenticity as I destroy the notion of perfection.  Maybe my daughter will catch on…


How do YOU handle the idea of perfection? Do YOU see it coming up in your daily life? How can we all learn to be more authentic and less perfect? Share some thoughts in the comments!

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Be careful=be fearful?

 

Two words that sparked this topic: “Be careful!”

We got E a pink Power Wheels Jeep for her fourth birthday. She was so excited to jump in the driver’s seat and have all of the control as a driver. Zooming all around ours and our neighbor’s front yard, E was having the time of her life. We took her on an evening ride around the neighborhood, and as she drove on the sidewalk—I found myself saying “be careful!…not too fast….watch where you’re going…” the entire time.

You may not think it’s much of a big deal, but what I realized on this evening drive is that I may be subconsciously training my daughter to be fearful of the bad things that could happen in the world.

Because when I’m constantly saying, “be careful,” what E might be hearing is “be fearful.”

We have a very important job as mothers. To protect our children from harm and prepare them for a world where they can be self-sufficient. We also teach them to be productive members of society, with a strong moral compass. But, what if my fears for the worst end up doing more harm than good?

We live in a time where the news is saturated with tragic events. It breaks my heart to acknowledge that I brought my daughter into a world where safe places are never guaranteed. There is stranger danger, social media dangers, and mass murders happening often and I constantly live in fear of the unthinkable.

But, then I think about my daughter… So untainted to all of the ugliness. Pure and innocent…and oh so very fearless. Why should MY fears hold HER back from exploring a world of endless possibilities?

So, while “be careful” might seem like a harmless cautionary request—when I consider the potential it might have to E’s curiosity and tenacity—I feel a pang of guilt because I want to put her in a bubble and keep her safe her whole life.

You hear about a deep love that you’ll find when you have your first child. You hear stories of this instant, deep and pure love that you can’t ever imagine until the first few moments you are joined with your firstborn.

What you don’t hear about is the constant FEAR you will have as a mother. Fear for the uncontrollable world that we live in. Fear of the unthinkable and unimaginable. Fear of things, events and situations that you won’t be able to protect your child from. Fear of things that I am to scared to type out in words.

I want to let go of that fear. I believe that despite all of the heartbreak and tragedy, the world is really filled with happiness, hope and love if you know where to look for it…

That’s what I’ll teach E to do–look for the love in a world of hate. Look for the light in a world full of darkness. And search for positivity when the majority wants to focus on the negative. It’s a delicate balance of guidance and teaching E about the dangers the world could have, but also encourage her to be fearless in her dreams and passions.

As for me, I’ll have to follow my own teachings and embrace the uncertainty that life presents us with. It puts a whole new perspective on “living each moment to the fullest”.


What are some of YOUR fears as a momma? How do YOU overcome your own fear to let your child truly be fearless? Share your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

My first time meditating….

I was sitting cross-legged on the floor in a dark-room with four women who I had never met before. Barefoot with my eyes closed and mind focused on breathing… I was meditating…I was in my zone.

“Take three deep breaths…. When you are breathing out, you are releasing all of the tension and negative energy that came with you today…”

PC: Mel Bosna Storyteller

Two years ago, I would have never been comfortable with this situation. Heck, even 5 months ago—I wouldn’t have pictured myself here— in the company of women who have mediated for years. I literally knew NO ONE, and here I was—being vulnerable and open to aligning with my inner peace.

Since the start of January, I’ve set out to put myself in more situations like this one. Completely open to the possibility of getting to know my real self . I’ve met people, experienced opportunities, and explored ways to take my dream and PASSION to the next level.

I couldn’t have imagined how FREEING this journey would become. Because, in the back of my mind—I’ve always wanted to practice meditation, but I never actually pursued it until the right person came along (That’s YOU, Sarah) to empower me to give it a try. Never in a million years would I have imagined putting myself into situations where I walk into an event, with not one familiar face and handle myself well. Am I uncomfortable at times? YES. But does that stop me? hell no.

Then it happened…

There was this moment during the session last night where I realized I was in the right place at the right time.

I was asked to visualize a person—living or dead. The person I visualized was my daughter. Focusing on my daughter, I was then told to imagine a rose that is absorbing all of the energy that I reflect onto her. Expectations, wishes, regrets and other things that I subconsciously reflect onto her. It was in that moment that I found myself fighting back tears. Struggling to keep myself composed in an effort to mask my real emotions from these strangers who surrounded me in that dark room.

PC: Mel Bosna Storyteller

In that moment, friends—it clicked. My expectations, my wishes, my regrets that I have belong to me and me only.

Although I wish the BEST for my daughter and want nothing more than her experiencing true happiness—the fact of the matter is that she will experience her own reality. She is taking up space in her own world, and it is my job to help her embrace the true person she is and will become.

And all of this was possible thanks to fate and intention. I unknowingly manifested last night’s experience. Just as I have been manifesting all of the experiences I’ve had over the last 5 months.

My journey began on January 1, 2018 with the sole purpose of creating opportunities for myself (personally and professionally)–allowing an organic community to form where women are seeking support, connection, growth and development. A Musing Momma has become the catapult for much of my soul searching and community growth.

For those of you who have been following along, THANK YOU. If you are new to this journey, welcome. My mission is to inspire you to embrace YOUR worth, CHASE your passion and find your community. THIS is your community. Let’s support and uplift one another, and I will happily be your guide during the journey.


For more information on this AMAZING meditation session and other classes available, check out Empower Wellness Studio AZ, follow the incredible Sarah O’Conner for all things Empower Wellness. The meditation was led by Adriana. Give her a follow too!

Do YOU meditate? How do you carve out some time for YOURSELF despite your busy schedule balancing work and home life? Share in the comments below!

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Mark your calendar- Project: Passion Launch Party on June 9th hosted by Candice with A Musing Momma. Sign up HERE for event details.

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