Mommas–hurry up and SLOW DOWN

 

We were getting out of the car the other day; Eilynn had just told me about a gold star she received at school as a result of being the “Class Leader of the Day.” I was deep in thought—and wanted to let her know how proud I was of her.

I opened the car door, and simply said- “Hey Eilynn…remember…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence, because she cut me off quickly and said, “I know, I know mom…hurry up.” My heart dropped.

“Hurry up? That’s what she thought I wanted to say to her?” In that moment, I was genuinely ashamed.

Mommas, how many times, does that simple phrase “hurry up” become the main request when speaking to our children?

“Hurry up and put on your shoes”

“Hurry up so we can get on the road”

“Hurry up, we’re going to be late for school”

“Hurry up and finish your dinner”

It was then, that I suddenly realized my daughter’s perception of me was that of a momma who is always in a rush.

Seriously—what’s the rush, mommas? Why are we in such a hurry to speed through life?

And, let’s be honest here—it’s typical. I recently aired a podcast addressing this ever-so-busy lifestyle that we have all adopted. We are in a constant state of GO-GO-GO from the moment we wake up to begin our days. We all lead prosperous lives filled with endless work, meetings, after school activities, parent-teacher conferences—the list goes on and on. It’s no wonder why most mommas complain about not having enough time in the day.

But, what message is this teaching my daughter–when she thinks that she must always hurry up?

What happens when she hurries up through her homework and doesn’t even grasp the lesson it’s supposed to teach her? What happens when she hurries through a tough decision that she needs to make and instead acts on impulse or emotion? What happens when she grows into another adult who never stops to give herself time?

I don’t know about you—but I’m tired of living a life where I’m constantly bombarded with schedules, time constraints and burnout. SLOWING down and taking time might be good for the soul.

On the podcast episode I mentioned above, I brought up my “1 hour early” strategy for slowing down and being more present on a daily basis. That’s what I’m hoping to achieve in life… more time to myself to be intentional and present…and not always hurrying up.

I want to teach my daughter that there is so much of life missed by always hurrying through it.

Mommas, let’s hurry up and slow down.

CHECK OUT THAT PODCAST EPISODE HERE. 


Mommas, what are you constantly in a rush for? Share some comments below! If you enjoyed this blog post, please share with a friend. Also– check out the podcast episode by clicking on the link above!

Give yourself permission to be GREAT

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I believe it was a quote made famous by former First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt in the 1940s. Over 75 years old, and the quote is still just as relevant as it ever was.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Your permission. In other words, you have the power to make yourself feel the exact way you desire.

I was at a friend’s party a few weeks ago and realized this exact concept. Of course, the realization came after I had a few days to reflect on what I was feeling.

There was a female at the party who I got the sense didn’t like me. When I approached her, she quickly said hi but then turned her back on me. Whenever I would speak, I caught her almost rolling her eyes at the things I would say. She kept physical distance from me the entire time, and it wasn’t long before I felt unwanted in her presence.

Naturally, I started to judge. “Who does this girl think she is?” I thought to myself. “She really is a bitch.”

A few days later, I realized that I had unknowingly given this woman the permission to make me feel inferior.

Her behavior towards me was intimidating, and I became defensive because of my own feelings about myself.

When I am honest with myself, I can recognize my insecurities during that party. The woman who was rude to me—was someone well-known to the rest of the people at the party. Perhaps I was insecure about the fact that this was the first time I was around this new group of friends. I was self-conscious about myself to the point that I took her dismissal of me as valid.

How many times are we quick to feel dismissed, judged or even wronged by the way other people treat us?

This is not to say that people who behave this way aren’t at fault. The truth is that there are people out there who intentionally seek to hurt and abuse others.

However, the point is that WE have the ability to overcome those feelings of being insecure and inferior.

When we are honest with ourselves, we come to recognize that inferiority and incompetence are emotions granted by us, with OUR permission.

Becoming conscious has enabled me to take personal experiences like this one and reflect on the power that I have within me. Feelings of not measuring up, incompetence and failure are all mental constructs that we create in our own minds.

Imagine if we were all able to rise above the mental limitations we place on our self-worth, and truly step into our greatness?

The possibilities are endless, friends. WE HAVE THE POWER TO SAY NO to insecurity and incompetence. Because we all are worthy, valuable and incredible in our own unique ways—if we give ourselves the permission to believe it.


How have YOU inadvertently given someone the permission to make you feel incompetent or inferior? Share some thoughts in the comments below!

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A formal proclamation of perfection

A wise friend gave me an honest reflection the other night. “You are liked because you strive to be perfect…” It was a simple remark said to me that sent me knee-deep in contemplation. With perfection comes a dilemma— how can you strive to be “perfect” and authentic at the same time? Perfection is the very concept that I aim to destroy in our world of competition, comparison and vanity.

Thus, a real self-reflection commenced. I spent the entire next day reflecting on how I have spent my entire life striving to be perfect. I started with my morning drive to work…

“Candice, why the hell do you strive to be perfect?”

In all honesty, my friend was right. I strive for perfection in everything that I do. I recently planned an event for Project: Passion and gave myself a jaw ache with all the stress and anxiety I had during the last two weeks leading up to the event (apparently, I clench my teeth when I’m under a ton of stress, my dentist confirmed).

So, the question remains—WHY do I strive to be perfect? And how does that impact how I am as a mother?

If I trace my history back to childhood, I remember loving the spotlight. Whether it be on stage during a singing performance or a speech that I was elected to give in front of an audience. I thrived off all eyes being on me….why? Because I was good at it.

My ah-ha moment the other night was realizing that feedback has a lot to do with perfection.

Those who know me well know that I love asking for feedback. My ah-ha moment the other night was realizing that feedback has a lot to do with perfection. You see, when I feel confident that I’ve nailed a presentation or speech—I will intentionally ask for feedback because I’ll get validation of what I did well and what I didn’t—I use for the NEXT time I present, hence—striving for perfection.

So, let this be my formal proclamation—I am a perfectionist. And I still care about what other people think of me.

The next question—How will this affect my parenting?

If how act and treat others is a projection of how I view myself, then where will perfection shape how my daughter views herself? Will perfection become my kryptonite?

Perhaps, the awareness of my perfection tendencies is all that is needed to break the magic of the kryptonite. Imagine being able to look back on this moment when my daughter is older and making mistakes where I can pause and realize that mistakes are what make us human. What if this realization of perfection is exactly what was needed for me to stop it in it’s tracks?

I won’t know until the moment comes. Until then, I’ll keep calling myself out. And celebrating all of my flaws and missteps. I’ll embrace the not-so-perfect moments and revel in all it’s glory. To prove it, this post contains several “non-perfect” pictures taken recently. Embracing authenticity as I destroy the notion of perfection.  Maybe my daughter will catch on…


How do YOU handle the idea of perfection? Do YOU see it coming up in your daily life? How can we all learn to be more authentic and less perfect? Share some thoughts in the comments!

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Mirror, mirror on the wall

 

If I’m honest, I struggle with this every day.

I’m in a constant battle with myself when it comes to my ability to live up to my full potential as a mother. I’m constantly assessing and reassessing myself and often times feeling like I fall short.

Every decision, every action, everything that I do is done with one thing in mind: my daughter. I see her watching me and attempting to be like me….but is that what I want? My insecurities, my aggressiveness, my strong will—do I want her to have those qualities?

Motherhood for me has been like a mirror—showing me a reflection of who I am as a mother, wife, daughter, and person. It’s like my daughter is constantly holding up the mirror, and I can’t help but look. Every time.

Let me tell you, parenthood isn’t for the weak of heart. As an individual who practices self-awareness and reflection often, even the best parenting books and journaling techniques couldn’t prepare me for what I see in the mirror.

This weekend, that reflection showed me a person who needs to practice more patience. It was a long day, and E wasn’t listening to me. Everything I asked her to do had to be said 3 or 4 times. It took us 25 minutes to get shoes on and leave the house because of E’s strong will (See? She got it from me). In a moment of weakness, I yelled. “PUT YOUR SHOES ON SO WE CAN GO!” I hollered this as I slammed my purse down on the counter top. In that moment, tears welled up in her sweet eyes as she put her head down and slid on her shoes. Reflection shown. And I didn’t like it.

…My sweet girl. Even in my ugliest moments, outrage and all—she still finds a place in her heart to forgive me. Every time. Because, after I realized what the mirror was showing me about myself—I kneeled down next to her and said, “I am so sorry. I am not showing you a good example of patience, and I will do better. Do you forgive me?” She did.

So, although the mirror shows me just how ugly I can be….it also shows me that I have an opportunity to change it. This weekend, I changed how I was to be seen in that reflection. To practice more patience….and forgiveness like my daughter so eagerly does every time I fall short.

This motherhood thing is hard. And I’m working every day at being better than I was the day before. I don’t think I’ll ever master it, but I’ll sure as heck try my hardest with every reflection that I see. Mommas, be aware of your mirror and what the reflection says back to you.

How do you cope with feeling like you fall short? Share some tips on how you change that reflection when you don’t like what you see. Comment below!